Defining Balance

Pull up a chair. This one’s a long one.

Balance. When it comes to humans, Dictionary.com defines it as such:

bal·ance

[bal-uhns]

-noun

1. a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

or

3. mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

[source]

But personally, I prefer the winemaking definition: the degree to which all the attributes of a wine are in harmony, with none either too prominent or deficient.

Last week, my good friend Gillian posted about her struggles finding and losing balance. After we arrived home from Rhode Island last Tuesday, I had been busy getting the house cleaned, the kitchen stocked, meals on the table and gotten a bit behind in blog reading. So I was browsing through my long list of entries when Gillian’s post title struck me, and I clicked onto it immediately. It wasn’t long before that very day I was questioning my own balance, and was eager to hear what she had written.

The post was beautifully written, and cited a link to Kailey’s post where she showed what her balance looked like, and asked all of us to please do the same. I highly encourage you to read both posts. I surprised myself, as I read through the posts and became more and more anxious, my awareness that it resonated with me like never before growing. I sat back halfway through Gillian’s post, stopped reading and thought to myself about all of the things I had been considering earlier in the day. What balance really means to me, what it means for everyone. And I responded to the post like this;

“I think balance is an ever changing, ever flowing concept. What is balanced for us at one point may not be balanced at another time; maybe after a big move, a job change, relationship trouble or a food intolerance. I myself am always searching for a “perfect balance” and it took me a long time to realize nothing is ever perfect and balance for me isn’t the same as it is for someone else. Everyone is so unique and that is what makes this world so beautiful.”

You see, over the past few months I have been researching like crazy. Reading book after book (which is, luckily, not hard with my freakishly fast reading skills), study after study, reputable websites, and some not-so-reputable websites, by the masses. I wanted to find a cure for my digestive issues. I wanted to find the “magic bullet,” so to speak to make me feel better. I wanted a solution. I went to a holistic nutritionist who helped me more than I could have imagined, but still, many of my issues persisted. I told myself I was trying to be gluten-free. I was trying not to eat dairy. What more could I do?

But one day, I got fed up. I bought myself a book on a certain diet/lifestyle- not to be confused with a weight-loss diet, which it is not- and decided I was going to read it and go cold turkey, as soon as the holidays were over and that would be the solution. I would feel better and life would be good. I would be balanced, finally.

Fast forward two weeks in. My digestive problems are gone. Nada. Of course they are- I’m not eating any of the things that upset me. I’m also not happy. Nick isn’t happy (he decided to do it with me), and the food is okay, but definitely not something I would want to live with forever. And this made me confused, and angry. “I got what I wanted- why am I not happy??” I thought.

I’ve spoken about finding my balance before, many times at that. Because there were times when I thought I found the perfect balance, and at times- maybe it was the perfect balance for me. And this was exciting! I was balanced, finally! So I wrote my heart out about it, every time. And every time, I would lose that so-called “perfect balance”. But as I said above, I believe balance is an ever-changing, ever-flowing concept. What was right for me then may not be right for me now and that’s hard to grasp. But I have been trying, really hard to rise above my momentary frustrations and listen to myself. Listen to what my body needs, at the time. Not what it needed last summer, not what it needed last winter, but now. At this moment. What does it want, and why?

I was furious with feeling this way one day, and I started writing down a list of “health principles” that were important to me. Things like, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants” (Michael Pollan). Eating seasonally and locally. Staying away from packaged foods. Eating real food. I began to wonder, what made me stray away from simply eating real foods? What made me think taking on a completely foreign diet would help me any more than listening to my body, sticking to my principles and eating what nature provides? If I stuck by my own principles, stayed away from the foods that bothered me… I would, as it may seem, be fine. But there is a part of me that is overly curious. That always has her nose in a book. You know how they say curiosity killed the cat? Well, I’m the cat. And my digestive system is taking the brunt of the abuse.

Yes, research is important for learning, determining opinions and finding solutions. But what is right for someone else, even a large group of people isn’t necessarily what is right for us as an individual. There is rarely a “cure,” a “magic bullet,” a “fix-all,” that is right for everyone. The “cure” is listening to our bodies, deciding what food, drink, lifestyle, works with our own body in a harmonious way. This may mean taking pieces of advice from different cultures, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we have to adapt fully to that culture’s dietary traditions. It may mean doing a ton of research on one certain food and though it may work miracles for someone else, it doesn’t work for you and that is okay. What works for me may not work for you, which is why I haven’t discussed my dietary changes yet. Balance is about finding what is right for each one of us. Gina, the Fitnessista said it beautifully last week when she confessed to switching to a chicken-friendly diet (what works for her); “The eating plan that’s best for you most likely isn’t one that you’ll find in a diet/nutrition/healthy living book or research article- it’s one that you create and discover for yourself.”

There was nothing wrong with the plan I had put myself on. In fact, it is an incredibly healthful diet that has been practiced for thousands of years. And I plan to keep many of the components of it because it did, “cure”, so to speak, my digestive issues. But what I learned is happiness is part of the equation, too. If we are not happy the way we are eating, especially because it is such an incredibly important part of our lives, not to mention for many of us- our careers, then even feeling good physically doesn’t matter. We need to be happy the way we are eating, in a way that also makes us feel good physically, to be truly balanced and stay that way. And we need to remember that sometimes this personal design changes- that’s what makes it personal. That’s just fine. We are always growing and changing, so why should our diets be static?

Of course balance isn’t only about our dietary choices. It is also about balance in our relationships, our moods, our physical shape, all things we have to determine for ourselves. I do believe that having a solid foundation in our diets can often help with these aspects as well, but not always. I encourage all of you to take a look at your lives, determine where changes need to be made and be honest with yourself in why these changes do need to be made, and how you can change them. Often we search every place but inside our selves, and when we finally take the time to look inside we realize what we need to do to change, to better ourselves, whatever aspect of our lives it may be. In her latest post on balance, Gillian writes, “I’ve learned the hard way that it’s better to deal with emotions immediately then let them fester into something else,” I couldn’t agree more.

So am I going to stop doing my research, stop reading my books, stop trying new things? No. But I am no longer going to try and make someone else’s balance work for me. I am no longer going to stress about a certain food not working for me, as “magical” as it may be for someone else. I am going to research both outside and within myself to find my own personal balance, one that is unique to me, and only me.

Balance for me means…

less meat, more plants.

getting back to basics.

cleansing now and again.

challenging my health.

learning to simplify.

starting my day with yoga.

or sometimes, a nice long run.

A glass of wine after a long week.

eating for me.

embracing salads.

eating intuitively.

I think the winemaking definition of balance says it all: the degree to which all the attributes of a wine are in harmony, with none either too prominent or deficient. If I think of myself as the wine and all of the aspects of my life as the attributes, I begin to realize how balance is truly kept.

…Still with me? What does balance mean to you? If you don’t want to write it in a comment, feel free to send me an email: cookbakenibble@gmail.com.

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